The tendrils of tightness stretch down from the base of my head, where it joins my neck, radiating out to my shoulderblades. This is Week #3. My lower back, mid-back and surrounding areas on the back of my skull all ache in resonance. The armouring is being unshackled, disintegrating into the ethers.
As I write, I’m using deep breathing techniques, sending energy to the base of my occipital lobe, which governs my vision. It’s right opposite my third eye, which is undergoing decalcification. The blockage, which had accumulated over the years, were due to the frequency of fear – my own, my family’s and our collective’s. It is this blockage that had been ‘protecting’ me from seeing more of the entities and multi-dimensional beings that I had spontaneously seen over the years – and wanted to not see.
A series of fortunate events led me to this moment-point in time, when I could no longer ignore, suppress nor deny my true origin and identity. So many signs had gathered along the way, that out of fear of persecution and judgment, I wanted to minimise.
Now, I am beyond caring about others’ perceptions regarding who I am.
The same kind of debilitating neck pain had arisen before – the last episode sometime last year. This time, it was precipitated by my instinctive delving into the Enneagram. Two years ago, I came across the Enneagram again, through the Journey Method, but I waved it off as another dogmatic philosophy of type-casting people. Fast forward to 2020: I went intensely into studying my own type, which I sensed was strongly Type 9, with almost equal emphasis on both Wings 8 & 1. I guess Ananda Devi had a part to play in stoking my curiosity with regard to the Enneagram, as she and her partner, Ramaji, both use the Enneagram in their awakening process work.
I’d been resuming work on my spiritual-metaphysical memoir recently, and Ananda Devi’s memoir was one that I’d felt I would resonate with, since Ramaji had tuned into her Level of Consciousness (LOC) as being 1000. The Level of Consciousness scale is based on Dr. David R. Hawkins’ work. Having studied Hawkins’ work for the last few years, in conjunction with my own inner sensing ability (which I feel bypasses the need for using any external instrument or apparatus, whether it was a hand or object – I am, as is everyone else, a giant walking tuning fork, after all) I went on to research levels of consciousness and awakening, etc. That was how I came across Ramaji’s book, titled “1000: The Levels of Consciousness and a Map of the Stages of Awakening for Spiritual Seekers and Teachers”.
Throughout all these decades past, I kept having the niggling inner knowing sense that I was ‘stepping down’ and going back over steps and stages that I’d already transcended – like a lowering of my own natural vibrational state. For the purpose of helping others. Now, I feel that I no longer need to meet others where they’re at, but instead, to vibrate at my own higher frequency and let others meet me where I’m at.
This is the reason behind the pain that I’m currently undergoing.
Delving into my Enneagram Type 9 deeply, then led me to another paradigm shift, which was the final vestige and layer of denial I had been holding onto out of fear of being shamed, ostracised or persecuted. One that I had known since I was a child, since I was born, but had puzzled over and then ignored, time and again. It was as if the final jigsaw piece had showed up, to render the entire puzzle coherent. This piece was in me all this time, but I had chosen to discard it in a forgotten corner of the room, happy for it to gather cobwebs and dust, so that I wouldn’t have to see it and experience the repercussions of its significance to my entire being’s meaning for existence.
Each time I thought I found the answer to my perennial seeking – not to “Who Am I?”, because I had a deep sense and knowing about who I was, but “Why Am I Here?”, I had to discard it, because it was never sufficient to explain everything – it wasn’t expansive enough to include my multi-dimensional experiences. Of course, none of it sufficed, because they were all set in their own limiting frameworks! The answer lived beyond Earth itself; the answer resided in the galaxy.
No, I didn’t wake up one day and realise or decide that I was a starseed. It was more a process of removing all the inhibiting factors of childhood and societal conditioning instilled upon me over the years, to ensure that I would conform and not remember who I really was – and ultimately, disempower me from stepping into my full potential, which had lain dormant, latent within me – yet, which had been coming out sporadically to show – demonstrate – to me with incontrovertible truth about what I was really capable of, beyond the five senses and physical, material realm.